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Andrew & David's Beary Fairy Story! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Arthur Knight Hammer   
Friday, 10 August 2007 09:43

David of Lancastershire fixing the King's box
Awww ... aren't they Precious?

Once Upon A Time, there was a great but lonely Bear called David, who
was appropriately named after the homosexually inclined King of Hebrew
scriptures.  David lived in the Southlands of Lancastershire, and was a
master in The Music Box Guild.

As a young man David had loved and lost, and through the agency of his
Inner Darkness, had come to imagine that happiness belonged only to
others and all reason to hope for romance was lost. Thus did  David
define his existence by his misery, save only by a great drive to excel
in the skill of his craft.

One day, David's father passed into the land of shadows, and David's
Inner Darkness said “Now we need only await the passing of our mother,
whom we love and do not wish to offend, and then we can do away with
ourselves, Precious! For this misery can hardly be any longer endured by
human flesh!”

Now David befriended Duke Dwight of Light who had visited the
neighboring Kingdom of the Bears and had seen for himself the
transformative powers of the Mystical Mansion, the palace of the
Kingdom, where Bears would come and oft times find means to change their
Inner Darkness to Light!  Duke Dwight had long sought a manner by which
to convince David to go there, for wondrous things were known to happen
to the lonely hearted at this fabled sanctuary, and upon learning that
the King’s music box was broken, he proposed to David that he could
please the King by its repair! David readily accepted! But alas! The
Music Box Guild David was obliged to would offer no relief.

Queen Jeane of Southland Shire caught wind of the plight and, through
her second sight, saw that an opportunity of great destiny had presented
itself to her charge and, using the power of her mighty orifice,
verbally prevailed upon the guild with only mild death threats, to
release David for but a day or two that he might take upon himself the
quest of the servicing the King’s broken box ... but well knowing that
greater things were to play out than music!

So the mystical weekend arrived, and David, Duke Dwight, and his
Duchess, Jay-Jay-Ole’, did enter their ships and sailed forth through
the oceanic forest of Penn, to its very heart, where the King kept his
court, in the midst of the Holy Experiment of Quaker lore at the
Mystical Mansion.

Prince Andrew of Bearidise, never one to shirk work for the sake of
title, was absorbed in dressing the third floor of the palace for
visitors.  The Prince had an Inner Darkness of his own, and deep and
black were the labyrinthine thoughts he pondered. King Arthur greeted
David at the door and directed him to the workshop where the music box
awaited his flattering attentions.  At the same moment, Prince Andrew
felt a disturbance in the force that drew his attention to the great
stairwell, and before David had been 20 seconds in the Mystical Mansion,
a hail of friendly obscenities, the specifics of which are mercifully
forgotten, descended the staircase to be received by the startled and
unsuspecting guest, who turned to the King thinking they might have been
intended for his Royal Whoreness; but such was not the case, and the
King, rolling his eyes in embarrassment that H.R.W. Purveyor of Music
Box Repairs might well take flight from the rambunctious outburst,
reluctantly pointed skyward that David might espy the source of the ...

And so David bent his mind to the task of fixing the old music box, and
Prince Andrew suddenly took an enormous and hitherto unexplored
fascination in old music boxes and hung about the great Bear like odor
on Limburger.

That evening David asked the King if he would join him in relaxing in
the heated spring and Prince Andrew, no stranger to an opportunity for
debauchery, tagged along. The King indulged in the healing waters for a
few minutes and, well knowing that the Prince would gladly see to any
needs of his guest, took his leave to rest. It is said that the heated
spring became a hot spring that very night.

Later, in the guest wing of the palace, simple touch became a channel
for the divine, and Prince Andrew had an overwhelming vision that
consumed many hours ... a great tower of white iridescent light
ascending from the foundations of the palace to the heights of the
heavens, and he knew that the great prophecies of lore which the King
had spoken of for so many years were probably lies, yet there before him
was the inexplicable tower of light, mystically connected to this new person.

Now people say that his vision was a bit of undigested tofu, or that he
had spent too much or too little time in the hot springs, or that he had
consumed too many or too few medicinal herbs than perhaps he should, and
to these speculations, it can be added that Only God Knows ... for the
time being
... but whatever happened that night, it can be said that a
bond was formed that has endured longer than most such unions.

And so it came to pass that Prince Andrew traveled to the fair land of
Lancastershire, and made his home with David and Queen Jeane, for he had
fallen head over heels for David, and could not endure being separated
from him.  And David and Andrew's Inner Darkness became twilight, then
light, then even on to glory, and lives once defined by their misery
became defined by their love!

And They Lived Happily Ever After!

Happy 1st Anniversary Andrew & David!  August 11th, 2007

Oh My God! What have I gotten myself into!
Andrew after falling Head over Heels for David!

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 August 2007 09:31